Newcastle v Aston Villa: Premier League – live

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⚽ Premier League updates from the 5.30pm BST kick-off
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“G’day Rob,” writes Chris Paraskevas. “Hope you’re well! Bit of a brutal turnaround for this match with a 3.30am kick off. I did manage to squeeze in an hour’s sleep, not that it’ll make a difference because he weather is getting warmer in Sydney, which means our old friend the neighbourhood parrot provides my daily alarm nice and early...anyway, *happy thoughts*...Xmas is on the horizon and I’ll feel more balanced once I’ve decided on its present.

“Back to business and the more PIF & MJ follow up calamitous defeats with the ‘vertical Football’ line, the more you wonder what they’re actually talking about? Is it part of a metaphor for the squad building mountain they need to climb? Does MJ want them to go ‘Up-N’-Under’ as per the cult 1998 Rugby League movie?

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